5 Signs Your Relationship is on Autopilot


Relationships, especially long-standing ones, often feel like a constant in our lives. This seeming permanence sometimes lulls us into complacency, gradually relegating our relationships to the backdrop of our priorities. Before we realize it, our relationships enter autopilot mode, moving forward without our active guidance.

So, what does it mean for your relationship to be on autopilot? Simply put, it signifies an absence of active nurturing and intentional direction. Under such circumstances, your relationship stops evolving and deepening. Rather than flourishing, it remains stagnant and, if left unaddressed, may weaken to the point of rupture.

To avoid a crash, it’s crucial to detect and rectify signs of a relationship on autopilot. Here are five key indicators and their solutions:

1. The Absence of Quality “Slow Time”

‘Slow time’, moments where both of you consciously slow down to enjoy the present, is a cornerstone of a strong and evolving relationship. If you struggle to recall the last instance where you both shared quality slow time, it’s a significant indicator that your relationship might be on autopilot.

Solution: Actively schedule regular dates or moments of connection. Ensure these moments are in settings that foster privacy and intimacy, allowing you to truly savor the slow time together.

2. Lack of Future Conversations

Dreaming and planning for the future are natural extensions of a committed relationship. Regularly discussing future goals and aspirations ensures that both partners are on the same page and supporting each other’s dreams. If such conversations have dwindled, it’s another sign your relationship might be coasting.

Solution: Initiate discussions about your collective future. Reflecting on shared dreams can be easier and more effective after implementing the solution from point #1.

3. Dwelling on the Negatives

Remember the early days when you saw your partner through rose-colored glasses? As relationships mature, it’s only natural to recognize and address imperfections. However, if negative thoughts start to overshadow the positive memories and qualities, your relationship could be on autopilot, drifting away from a collective “us” mindset to a self-centered “me” perspective.

Solution: Make a conscious effort to recognize and appreciate the good. For every negative thought or comment, ensure you acknowledge and express at least two positives. This practice not only highlights the good but also gradually shifts your mindset away from lingering on the negatives.

4. Growing Closer to Others Over Your Significant Other

Your partner should always be the primary person you feel closest to in life. If someone else starts occupying this space, it’s a sign that the attention and effort once dedicated to your relationship are now diverted elsewhere.

Solution: Intentionally prioritize your significant other. Dedicate more time and attention to them, reaffirming their importance in your life. The initial change might be met with surprise, but the positive outcomes will soon become evident.

5. Avoidance of Reflecting on the Relationship’s State

If thoughts about the state of your relationship induce discomfort or are frequently overshadowed by distractions, it’s likely that underlying issues are being avoided. Whether these are minor misunderstandings or larger unresolved issues, avoiding them only lets the relationship drift further into autopilot mode.

Solution: Commit to a deep introspection of your relationship, identifying and addressing any underlying problems. Tackling issues head-on, no matter how big or small, can prevent the relationship from spiraling further into autopilot.


Remember, recognizing the signs that your relationship is on autopilot is the first step toward revitalization. By actively addressing these indicators and implementing the suggested solutions, you can ensure that your relationship remains active, attentive, and continually growing in love and understanding.



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